What To Do if You Che`ated on Your Partner, If You Want to Stay Together

First: Decide What You Want

Your partner may want to salvage your relationship, but do you? This is an extremely difficult question to ask yourself. It sucks to know that you’ve hurt the person you love by ch`e`ating on them, and it’s natural to want to avoid hur`ting them even further. Your first instinct might be to run back to your partner and beg forgiveness, but it’s important to be honest with yourself about your mot`ivations for cheating. Did you cheat because you felt like your relationship was already over? Do you have real feelings for the person you cheated with? You’ll only prolong your partner’s pain by leading them on to believe the two of you still have a future together, so be honest with them (and yourself) now.

. Break It Off with the Other Person
This should go without saying, but if you decide you want to stay in your relationship with your partner, you need to fully break it off with the other person. Obv`iously, this will be a lot harder if you’ve had an established friendship or relationship with the other person than if you just had a one-night stand. It’s best not to see them again in person, ever. You’ll avoid the temptation of che`ating again, and you’ll be able to break things off more cleanly. Send an email explaining, in no uncertain terms, that you are staying in your relationship. Be respectful of the connection that the two of you had, but firm in your decision. Let your partner know any steps that you took to cut off contact, too.

Tell Your Partner the Truth
Make sure you’ve told your partner the whole truth about your affair. Take complete responsibility for and ownership of your actions. It’s going to suck, but you owe it to them. If you
got caught, or if you only fessed up to some of the details, you may feel tempted to minimize the amount of information you share with your partner. Unfortunately, you can be almost guaranteed that those other details will surface at a later time, and it’s going to be a whole hell of a lot more painful for them to realize you’re still lying.