Why People Marry The Wrong Person, All Unmarried Must Read This Avoid Marriage Break Up

Many mar"ried people are daily
regretting and cursing their
marri"ages. If you are single, know
the reasons why people marry
wrong persons and end their
marriages in bitter separations or
live to endure it.
1. YOU FOCUS MORE ON
CHEMISTRY THAN ON CHARACTER
Principle: Never marry someone
because you’re in love. Fa"lling in
love is a state of temporary
psy"ch"osis. It is the “delusion of
fusion.” Identify the specific
character traits you must have in
your spouse and know clearly how
to asses for each one.
Background checks are essential,
Be especially careful to check out
the family. People from warm & loving homes
will most likely be emo"tion"ally
healthy people.
Chemistry means there is physical
and $@x"ual attra"ction.
Compatibility: Looking for
sameness: same backgrounds,
culture, language, interests,politics
etc. Temperament types are
important to know.
2. YOU EXPECT HIM OR HER TO
CHANGE AFTER YOU'RE MARRIED
The question you must ask is,
“Can I live with this person the
way he is now and be happy with
him?”
Principle: Never marry potential.
This implies bad po"tential. He’s a
chro"nic smo"ker and dru"nkard &
says he’ll change for you. This is
bad potential. If he doesn't change
you’ll resent him.
3. YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND THE
FUNDAMENTAL NEEDS OF M.EN
AND WOM.EN
This is all about making sure the
male-female energies are in sync.
Men and wom.en each have one
core emo"tion"al need. Men want to
be respected. Women want to be
cherished, which means they want
to be protected, provided for, and
guided. The ultimate prerequisite
for a man to get married is that he
is ready to take responsibility.He
has to be ready to be a “man.”
4. YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU
WANT AND WHERE YOU'RE GOING
This means knowing what you
stand for in life: Your values,
priori"ties, and goals.
Ideally you should not be
considering marriage until you've
answered life’s most important
question: What am I living for?
Two people who have the same
life goal have a much greater
chance of growing together and
staying together in a deeply
bonded way. A soul mate is a goal
mate.
Principle: The more clearly and
narrowly we define ourselves, the
better our chance of finding the
right person.
Tools: What are we going to build
together? What are this person’s
life commitments? What does this
person stand for? What is he
passionate about?
5. YOU GET INVOLVED $+XU:ALLY
TOO QUICKLY
Becoming intimate too soon can
be self-defeating because it
creates confusion.
• It may create a false sense of
commitment and depth.
• It may block you from • It may lead to overlooking
problems that should not be
overlooked.
6. YOU CHOOSE SOMEONE WHO IS
ABUSIVE
The definition of an abusive
relationship is one in which you
are afraid to express your feelings
and opinions.
Other indicators:
• You don’t feel emoti"ona.lly safe.
• You have to monitor what you
say.
• You walk on egg shells around
this person.
• You don’t feel relaxed and don’t
feel you can be yourself.
• The person is demanding,
controlling, or communicates with
anger and criticism.
7. YOU DO NOT HAVE A
CONSISTENTLY POSITIVE
EMOTI"ONAL CONNECTION WITH
EACH OTHER
A positive emoti"onal connection
does not mean you are in love.
Five questions to evaluate if you
have a positive emo"tional
connection:
→ Do I respect and admire this
person?
→ Do I trust this person in every
way and feel I can rely on his or
her judgment?
→ Do I feel totally safe with this
person (like I feel with my best
friend)?
→ Do I truly care about this
person and have a desire to give
to him or her?
→ Are we open and honest with
each other about our feelings and
opinions?
Your greatest tool for measuring
the quality of the relationship is
your feelings.
Principle: Never dismiss anything
that bothers you! Process everything that bothers you.
8. YOU DON'T COMMUNICATE WELL
This is very important: You must
be sure before you get married
that the two of you communicate well.
Good communication means:
√ We can talk openly and honestly
about our feelings
√ We listen to each other and
make it safe for each other to
express ourselves.
√ There is no defensiveness
√ We trust that together we can
resolve problems
√ We have confidence in ourselves
that we can repair our breakdowns
√ We work well together; we’re a
good team
PRINCIPLE: U must be able to
repair breakdowns 100%, which
means there is no resentment or
bad feelings left over.
One of the biggest mistakes
people make is to believe that
marriage will heal or fix their deep
inner pain. In many cases,
marriage will only make the pain
greater & more unbearable.